Hi friends,
A new member of the community recently asked me this question:
Why do I feel like I am alone when I know I’m not?
Immediately, I knew what she was talking about. I’ve felt this many times, and I wrestle with it, too. The worst season, by far, was the year after I resigned from RZIM. For many months, I felt numb, and it was hard to connect with God at all. If you’re reading this, you’re not alone. It’s a common challenge for many Christians.
So, I wanted to explore this question in depth. It’s a long article, but here’s where we’re going:
We’ll start with God’s promise to be with us, look at how Psalm 13 wrestles with this tension, and end by considering some reasons why we feel God’s absence.
First, God has promised to always be with his people.
In Deuteronomy 31:6, God promised to be with his people as they entered Israel:
Be strong and courageous; don’t be terrified or afraid of them. For the Lord your God is the one who will go with you; he will not leave you or abandon you (CSB).
The same promise is repeated in Isaiah 41:10:
“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with my righteous right hand” (CSB).
In the Great Commission, Jesus made this promise to his disciples:
Jesus came near and said to them, “All authority has been given to me in heaven and on earth. Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:18-20, (CSB)).
We see the same point made by Paul in Romans 8:
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:37-39, (CSB)).
In light of these grand promises, that raises the problem:
How can the Bible assure us of God’s presence and yet we feel that God is not with us?
It’s oversimplified, but to some degree, the Biblical narrative can be placed into three acts:
Act 1: God is with us (Eden)
Act 2: We’re apart from God (the rest of the Bible), and
Act 3: God is with us again (Revelation)
In other words, this isn’t just our question - it’s a tension built into the very structure of the Bible!
But let’s get more specific.
For instance, in Psalm 13, we see David wrestling with both the absence and presence of God:
For the choir director. A psalm of David.
1 How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long will I store up anxious concerns within me,
agony in my mind every day?
How long will my enemy dominate me?
3 Consider me and answer, LORD my God.
Restore brightness to my eyes;
otherwise, I will sleep in death.
4 My enemy will say, “I have triumphed over him,”
and my foes will rejoice because I am shaken.
5 But I have trusted in your faithful love;
my heart will rejoice in your deliverance.
6 I will sing to the LORD
because he has treated me generously.
(Christian Standard Bible)
Compare David’s psalm with Paul’s testimony in 2 Corinthians 1:8-9,
We don’t want you to be unaware, brothers and sisters, of our affliction that took place in Asia. We were completely overwhelmed—beyond our strength—so that we even despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death, so that we would not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead (CSB).
At one point in their missionary journeys, their suffering was so intense that their despair hit rock bottom.
Looking back, Paul can see that this experience taught them to trust God more.
But in the moment? They were completely overwhelmed. They were not, by his testimony, in that trial, rejoicing in God.
So, what do we make of feeling distant from God?
First, if both David and Paul felt absent from God, then we know this is part of the human experience.
Of course, we could list many other examples (e.g., Job, the Israelites feeling abandoned by God in their exile).
I think sometimes we blame ourselves for this: 'If only I sinned less, or loved more, or read the Bible better, then I would feel close to God. This is my fault."
But I don’t think that’s necessary. On this side of heaven, feeling God’s absence is part of the ebb-and-flow of our lives with God.
Second, in his absence, God teaches us lessons
Writing to the Romans, Paul spoke about the experience of both afflictions and the joy of knowing God’s love:
3 And not only that, but we also boast in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, 4 endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. 5 This hope will not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us (Romans 5:3-5).
When God feels absent in difficult times, will we endure, grow in our character, and place our hope in God?
Third, we can anticipate the return of God’s presence in the future
For some of us, we will again experience the sweetness of God’s presence in this life. For others, it may not be until we are united with God in the next life.
Either way, the resurrection of Jesus reminds us that there is life with God - forever - after death. When we feel there is no hope, meditating on the reality that Jesus is alive - now - can encourage our hearts.
Fourth, we need to be wise
The absence of God is a spiritual matter, so it makes sense to turn to the resources of our faith: Bible study, prayer, fasting, journaling, and so on. Perhaps we need to address areas of unconfessed sin or take steps of faith.
However, our spirits are affected by our bodies and our circumstances. If we are depressed, unemployed, battling cancer, or struggling with some other challenge, it may be harder to connect with God.
Instead of tunnel vision (“I need to pray more!”), take a deep breath, consider the broader perspective, and use wisdom to thoughtfully evaluate your experience of God.
Here’s one caveat: writing “in general” about this dynamic is hard because we are so different–psychologically, culturally, denominational traditions, physical health, economic situation, and so on! But I hope in reading this, you are gathering some questions to evaluate for yourself.
Fifth, we need each other
When we feel God’s absence, being with good, safe brothers and sisters in Christ is critical.
- When I haven’t been able to pray, it helps to hear others pray.
- When I feel apathetic about the Bible, it helps to hear others enjoy it.
- When I struggle with sin, it helps to have others challenge me to imitate Christ.
- When I feel discouraged, it helps to be encouraged
It can feel hard to reach out when we feel alone, but that’s when it’s most important to make the effort. Talk to a pastor, a friend at church, or a small group leader. And if you’d like, you can experience community with us - online and in Zoom calls.
Ultimately, we don’t have all the answers
As David asks, “How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?”
He doesn’t answer this question with theology, logic, or a heavenly vision.
But he does testify that he has trusted God’s love, and he knows that one day, his heart will rejoice in God’s deliverance (Psalm 13:6).
But in the in-between? At a minimum, we can always be honest with God, as David was in Psalm 13, and ask him to deliver us.
And when we feel spiritually ‘dry,’ we can hang onto these truths: God’s silence is not His absence, and our feelings do not dictate His faithfulness.
This is not mere sentimentality; it is the rational conviction of believers in the resurrection of Jesus.
Are you struggling to feel that God is with you? Join in the community; we would be honored to pray with you and support you in this season.
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