I agree with @kiko that there is so much wisdom being shared by all in their replies. It is so refreshing after hearing from the extremes so much of my life.
I’d like to take a different approach to answering this question.
First, for some context, I’ve come to understand the different lists of spiritual gifts as Paul describing different functional “categories” having a different purpose in the body of Christ and the shared mission of brining Glory to God’s name.
In Romans 12:6-8 Paul lists what can be called Motivational Gifts . The idea being that we each have a basic wiring the reflects God’s image in the world and influences why we do what we do. It is something innate within us. Understanding our gifting and the unique way we reflect the image of God is very helpful in growing in maturity. It’s also very important that we are given the freedom to express our gifting so that we can grow in love and dependence on God.
Then in 1 Corinthians 12:4-11 Paul lists what he calls manifestations of the Spirit (vs 7) or the Manifestation gifts . These gifts serve to edify the body of Christ and convict the world of sin. Learning to express the gifts in love are the true mark of spiritual maturity. Spiritual maturity, however, is not necessarily linked with how well an individual expresses their gifts. The expression is something from God and ultimately, He is the one that gets the Glory for the sign, prophecy, tongues, or whatever His sovereign will desires.
Finally in Ephesians 4:11-14 we have what I like to call the Administrative gifts . I’ve also heard them individually referred to as the office of the prophet, or apostle, or teacher, etc. or summed up as A.P.E.S.T. These five administrative gifts are individuals given to the church “for the training of the saints in the work of ministry” (vs 12) in order to build up the body of Christ. All the while growing in the knowledge of God and His Son, Jesus. These functional roles can be filled by anyone that God has called and ordained for that job and serve the corporate needs of the church in promoting unity and maturity, all the time seeking to multiply God’s image on the Earth.
Now tying these all together, it is my understanding that an individual can have the motivational gift of mercy, can be used by God to speak words of prophecy, and function in the role of teacher or apostle or whatever office the Lord desires. Spiritual maturity in each area is important because it is easy to become puffed up in a gifting that gets more attention than another. That maturity is derived from developing deeper levels of dependence on God while at the same time, experiencing greater boldness to speak His kingdom and greater humility to give Him all the glory. Seeing the spiritual gifts in this sort of model has helped me understand where greater dependence is needed and helps me examine myself in order to repent of pride and self reliance and while also helping to identify unique opportunities to manifest God’s glory.
The connection between gifting and maturity is confounding at times too. Because God’s gifts and calling are without repentance Romans 11:29 meaning that their expression is not necessarily dependent on the individual’s own spiritual maturity. It’s easy to think of gifted individuals whose ministry and success went further than their character was able to bear. Yet in God’s economy He still leverages the weaknesses of man to glorify His name.
Like your friend @lakshmi I’ve been there and it’s easy to compare ourselves with others and measure our maturity against their perceived level of maturity. My reading this morning took me to 2 Timothy 3:1-9 where Paul seems to illustrate what can happen when we measure ourselves against the perceived maturity of others.
This is true and echoed so well by both @Carson & @alison. I would add that increased boldness with humility and greater dependence on God are additional marks of spiritual maturity. Even though they may harder to measure in terms of what we can see in a person’s external life. But I think more boldness is one thing Paul is encouraging Timothy to do with his gifting in 2 Timothy 1:6
In any case I hope this is helpful to you and the community, and welcome any feedback or insights you may have. I thank you for asking this question. I find myself, as one motivated by a teaching gift, asking if I am living in dependence of the one who has given the gift and examining my own heart before Him. Even when we do it well may our sincere response be Luke 17:10