Hi friends,
This weekend, a conversation at my home church centered around Proverbs 22:6. This well-known verse reads:
Start a youth out on his way; even when he grows old he will not depart from it. (CSB)
Or in the more familiar King James Version:
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
As we explore this proverb, we’ll see that this verse is not a simple guarantee but a deep mine of wisdom that invites us to think deeply about parenting, faith, and human nature.
As I’ve heard it taught, a common interpretation suggests that when parents provide the proper spiritual foundations to their children, their kids will remain faithful to God for the rest of their lives.
For instance, I have heard this proverb quoted as a guarantee. It sounds like this:
The Bible promises that if you properly raise your children to follow the Lord, they will faithfully follow God for their lives.
This interpretation can lead to problematic conclusions:
- If your children aren’t following Christ, you failed as a parent.
- If your children are active Christians, you deserve the credit.
But in Uncommon Pursuit, we aren’t interested in believing something because it has often been taught. We want to study the Bible and understand what it means - on the author’s terms.
Let’s look at three insightful notes from scholars and pastors who have studied this passage.
First, in the New American Commentary, Duane Garrett argues for another way of expressing these Hebrew words into English:
A better interpretation is, loosely rendered, “Train a child in a manner befitting a child"
If he’s right, then this proverb encourages us to respect children’s developmental processes and tailor our teaching to their capacities and interests.
This interpretation opens up many helpful conversations. What is suitable for a child with special needs is different from what is suitable for a particularly athletic child, and so on.
Still, even with this amendment, the primary message of the proverb still seems to be that the moral and spiritual foundations we receive in childhood will last us throughout our lives.
Second, in the NICOT commentary, Bruce Waltke notes the temptation to turn this proverb into a promise:
The proverb, however, must not be pushed to mean that the educator is ultimately responsible for the youth’s entire moral orientation. “Rather, it gives a single component of truth that must be fit together with other elements of truth in order [to] approximate the more comprehensive, confused patterns of real life [Hildebrandt]."
Finally, in a popular devotional book, Tim and Kathy Keller observe,
Proverbs is not a set of “simple steps to a happy life” for quick consumption. A proverb is a poetic art form that instills wisdom in you as you wrestle with it (God’s Wisdom for Navigating Life, ix).
As they wrestle with this particular verse, they note that the book of Proverbs speaks to the complexity of how faith is transmitted from one generation to another in many ways. Unless we integrate all of what the Bible teaches, we have an incomplete understanding of how life works:
Sometimes a foolish adult is the result of parental failure (29:15). But some children simply don’t respond to the rightful reproof parents give them (13:1, 17:21). Their choice—to listen or not—determines the course of their life (1:10–18) (p. 279).
I admit that it is comforting to think that the Bible promises us a guaranteed, fool-proof solution to raising children who love God.
It can be unsettling to realize that, instead, the Scriptures invite us to contemplate the core principles we need to understand to live with wisdom and faithfulness.
But when we make this shift in our understanding, we open ourselves up to a richer, more nuanced approach to parenting and faith transmission. We recognize that each child is unique, with their own temperament, gifts, and challenges. We learn to rely on God’s grace rather than formulaic approaches.
In the broader context of Proverbs and biblical wisdom literature, this interpretation aligns with how this genre of Scripture invites us to seek wisdom and understanding rather than quick fixes or guaranteed outcomes. Reading the Bible is designed to mature us into thoughtful, adaptable, and dependent followers of Jesus.
Here are some questions I’d love to discuss together:
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How have you heard Proverbs 22:6 taught as a promise?
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Are there other ways you’ve seen specific parenting approaches promoted as “guaranteed” to work?
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Have you seen some parents elevated to the status of “better than” other parents because of their children’s decisions?
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What did your parents do that helped you - or made it more complicated - for you to follow Jesus?
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If you’re a parent, how do you balance the responsibility of guiding your children with the understanding that they will make their own choices?
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How can faith communities support parents without promoting a “guaranteed results” mentality? Share an example of helpful support you’ve witnessed or experienced.
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How can we use this understanding of Proverbs 22:6 to offer grace and support to parents who are struggling with their children’s choices?
As we wrestle with this proverb, may we grow in wisdom, grace, and understanding, recognizing the complex nature of faith and parenting while trusting in God’s ultimate guidance and love.