What do non-Christians want from Christians?

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According to Barna’s study Reviving Evangelism, nonChristians value two qualities in particular for discussing faith with a Christian:

[The top] qualities they would look for in a person with whom to talk about faith are “listens without judgment” (62%) and “does not force a conclusion” (50%).

But for some Christian traditions, I know that evangelism is presented as a forceful sales pitch, demanding a response to the gospel.

To listen without judgment and avoid pushing for a conclusion might feel like a lack of holy boldness. I’ve sometimes felt guilty that I haven’t been more zealous to ‘convert’ my friends.

But as I pay attention to my friends, I recognize that if we are going to trust each other, I need to trust God’s timing in their lives. All I can do is show up, be a good friend, ask sincere questions, and accept them as they are, whatever they believe or say.

If I attempt to force their conversion, they will likely pull away from me, and be less likely to want to discuss the gospel with friends in the future.

Over time, I’ve found it very freeing not to have an agenda or a timeline for my friends to know Christ. It has opened me up to love them as they are. And it has led to richer, better conversations about faith.

How do you feel about listening without judgment and not forcing a conclusion in spiritual conversations?

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That’s great advice but what are some good questions to begin the conversation when someone is not interested in having a spiritual conversation with a Christian, when they have drawn boundaries and they say, “You can practice your faith and I will practice mine and I am quite happy with my own faith convictions”? I have tried asking if they would like to share about their beliefs and that I am interested in learning more. I think they desire an openness on my part to be willing to change my beliefs and only then there may be a willingness to have the spiritual conversation. .

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Hi @lakshmi, that’s a great question. According to one of Barna’s studies, 71% of nonChristians in the U.S. are not “on a quest for spiritual truth.”

In my limitations, I don’t know how to help someone change if they don’t want to change.

Perhaps some more gifted evangelists are so led by the Holy Spirit and their ability to engage with people that they can find a way to break through and help even a resistant person be curious about Jesus.

However, my guess is that gifted evangelists notice who is resistant and move on to give their attention to someone who is spiritually open.

As Jesus instructed his disciples when he sent them out in Matthew 10:12-14

Greet a household when you enter it, and if the household is worthy, let your peace be on it; but if it is unworthy, let your peace return to you. If anyone does not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that house or town.

I want to understand this passage responsibly; Jerome explained:

Entering a new town, the apostles were unable to know what kind of persons they were meeting. Therefore a host must be chosen according to his reputation and the judgment of his neighbors. Otherwise the dignity of the message preached might be tainted by the ill repute of the recipient. Since they must preach to all, only one host is to be chosen; and they are not to bestow favor on persons with whom they stay but to receive it. COMMENTARY ON MATTHEW 1.10.11.21 (The Ancient Christian Commentary on Scripture)

However, I think there’s still a clear principle: even Jesus said to his disciples, don’t waste your time trying to tell people about me if they don’t want to hear the message.

But to circle back: why do Christians have relationships with other people? Is it only for evangelism?

I don’t think that’s God’s expectations. We can have relationships with our family, neighbors, friends, co-workers, and so on for other valid reasons. In each case, our responsibility is to love the other person. But, that does not mean that we need to be consistently bring up the gospel if they have no interest in discussing it with us.

Ultimately, the burden of salvation is on God. He is our Creator, Savior, and Lord.

We have a much more limited responsibility: to love our neighbors and, when the opportunity is there, to invite them to consider the unbelievably good news of the gospel.

By taking this approach, we can still be wholeheartedly Christian in our actions and our treatment of people. Yet, I think it also frees us to be present to others as they are and to enjoy our friendships without the burden of constantly looking for opportunities to share the gospel. When they come up, we can trust the Holy Spirit to help us notice them.

I look forward to your response and wisdom from other members of the community.

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