Hi friends,
I’ve been studying idolatry in the Bible, and got into some nerdy places: the lexicons!
But even though studying Hebrew and Greek dictionaries doesn’t sound like that much fun, it turns out that there is a lot of humor hidden in the meaning of words.
Here are five funny things about how the Bible describes idols:
First, the Greek word for idol means “ghost.”
In the third century B.C., the Old Testament was translated into Greek. This translation is called the Septuagint, and is often referred to by the shorthand “LXX.”
In this translation, the word the translators used for idol was eidōlon (εἴδωλον). The ordinary meaning of the term according to one lexicon (BDAG) is “form, image, shadow, phantom” — that is, a ghost.
The lexicon goes on to explain, “In the LXX εἴδωλον bridges two views: the deities of the nations have no reality, and so are truly the products of fantasy; and they are manufactured by human hands.”
It’s an amusing choice. The Bible translators looked around at all the fearsome statues of “the gods” and said, “Yeah, we’re going to call those boogeymen.”
Second, the prophet Ezekiel called idols “dung-gods.”
Ok, this one is a bit of a stretch, but hear me out.
One of Ezekiel’s favorite words is the Hebrew word gillulim (גִּלּוּלִים). The standard Hebrew lexicon HALOT says it is, “always polemically and contemptuously” used.
There are academic debates about where this word come from, but one theory is that it derives from another word for ‘droppings’ - or dung.
If that’s the case, Ezekiel is saying, “Your gods are what comes out of a goat’s butt.”
Even if that’s wrong, the other theories aren’t much better. One of them is that the Israelites took the word for ‘roll’, which referred to a rolled block of stone, which eventually became carved idols. Alternatively, perhaps the word for ‘venerable’ (or great) was used to describe idols. Either way (or both ways!), they took these words and changed out the vowels so it would sound more like ‘abomination.’
If that’s the case, then the spelling implies the sense of, “You said he’s great? Hmmm, I heard abomination.”
Third, another word calls the idols “worthless things.”
The Hebrew word for God is El (or Elohim). But what’s the Hebrew word for idol? “Elilim.” It’s a mocking negation. “You call them El (God), but I call them elil (nothing).”
(It’s the same word Job uses in Job 13:4 to call his friends worthless physicians).
Fourth, they’re weak little statues.
For instance, in Isaiah 44:9-20, the prophet tells a story about a man planting a tree. Then years later, he cuts it down and chops it up. He uses some of the wood to roast his dinner, and the rest to carve a statue, bow down to it, and pray.
Isaiah is saying, look at how silly your efforts to find a god are! Not only do you have to plant the tree, you also have to cut it down, and carve it into a little statue!
A little bit later, in Isaiah 46:1-2, the prophet taunts the Babylonians:
Bel crouches; Nebo cowers.
Idols depicting them are consigned to beasts and cattle.
The images you carry are loaded,
as a burden for the weary animal.
The gods cower; they crouch together;
they are not able to rescue the burden,
but they themselves go into captivity.
Look also at Jeremiah 10:5,
Like scarecrows in a cucumber patch,
their idols cannot speak.
They must be carried because they cannot walk.
Do not fear them for they can do no harm—
and they cannot do any good.
The prophets are, as they say, “having a laugh.”
They’re looking at the depictions of “all powerful deities” and asking, “Why are tired donkeys pulling them around?” A scarecrow looks scary from a distance, but then you get close to it and realize it’s funny looking.
Fifth, maybe they make potty jokes
In 1 Kings 18:27 we read, "At noon Elijah mocked them. He said, “Shout loudly, for he’s a god! Maybe he’s thinking it over; maybe he has wandered away; or maybe he’s on the road. Perhaps he’s sleeping and will wake up!”
But this might be a sanitized version. “He’s wandered away” is a translation of the Hebrew word sig (שִׂיג). Unfortunately, this word only occurs once, in this passage, so it’s hard to be certain how to translate it. But many scholars have argued that it carries the sense of “to step aside” in the sense of “relieving oneself.”
Here’s one reason to think it’s scatological. In this story, the prophets of Baal are whipping themselves into a bloody frenzy to get their god to send fire to an altar. More broadly, the problem is an extended drought in Israel. My theory is, since Baal is a rain/storm god, maybe Elijah is suggesting, maybe your god is “giving rain” (peeing) somewhere else, and that’s why we aren’t getting rain here.
There’s another example in Genesis 31. In this story, Rachel steals her father Laban’s household gods and hides them in her camel’s saddlebag (31:19, 34). Laban comes into her tent to look for them. But she tells him she can’t get off her camel’s saddlebag to help him because she’s having her period.
If true, she’s defiling his idols by bleeding on them. If not, then she’s lying about defiling the idols. Either way, the “gods” look ridiculous. (And of course, we have no reason to connect menstruation with defilement today).
Overall, the Bible is mocking idols.
The prophets, authors, and translators of the Old Testament are living in a world where all the gods have temples, expensive festivals, and diplomatic protocols. Israel stood apart and said, “Nah. The only true God is in heaven, and we bear his image.”