James 1:19-20 provides invaluable wisdom for our lives - it’s the secret that enables us anyone who applies it to connect with others.
As part of my Doctor of Ministry (D.Min.) degree, I’ve been reading hundreds of pages of academic literature in preparation for the Major Project stage. Strange terms like “phenomenological hermeneutics” and “reflexivity” are floating around my head.
I understand this terminology can help with precise communication among academics, but I prefer to talk in more practical terms. Beneath all the jargon are invaluable insights that generations of researchers have carefully developed to help them connect with and understand how other people view the world.
As I see it, they are helping me practice what we read in James 1:19-20,
My dear brothers and sisters, understand this:
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness.
Can you imagine a society where everyone did their sincere best to follow this wisdom?
But it’s hard to do. It’s hard to listen to someone you view as your enemy.
Even if we strip away the hatred, it’s hard to make sense of another person’s reality.
We’re confusing, diverse, contradictory, and changing creatures. How do we understand who we are - what we’re here for - what our work is about - what is good and bad? The answer you’ll hear depends on who you ask, how you ask, why you ask, and more.
Let me give you two examples.
A week ago, missionaries from the Church of Latter-Day Saints knocked on our door. I wasn’t sure if I should invite them in because our family was having dinner together, but my wife insisted so she could feed them and ask them questions. She brought out homemade bread, roasted Georgia peaches, and more. At first, they were reluctant, but her warmth - and the vanilla-caramel aromas of the syrupy, bronzed fruit overtook them.
Afterward, one of my children said, “You and Mom were so nice to them. It was so respectful, I don’t know if they even realized how much you disproved what they believe.”
It was an interesting observation because I focused on listening, asking questions, showing kindness, and asking God to guide me. While trying to serve these young men and hear what they had to say, we gently but clearly raised issues to which they had no answers.
Here’s the second story.
Later in the week, I talked with a good friend about his spirituality. His understanding of spirituality was remarkably different from mine - focused, in part, on ancient meditation practices that enable him to gain profound awareness of his body, even to the point of noticing the different temperatures of air that move across his lips, depending on whether he breathes in or out.
I don’t have any experience with this, but this is his daily practice.
At one point, I was curious to learn more but so stuck in my way of seeing spirituality that I had to ask for help: “Can you give me some good questions to ask you so I can understand your perspective better?”
For me, both conversations were a gift, an opportunity to see the world through the eyes of another.
There are many pathways to spiritual growth, but all of them involve listening. Whether it’s prayer, Bible reading, or loving our neighbors, we won’t get very far if we aren’t willing to listen to another person’s point of view.
By humbling ourselves to listen to God, we prepare ourselves to listen to our neighbor.
And by listening to our neighbors, we attune our ears to listen to God.
For years, the emphasis in the church circles I’ve participated in has been on knowing what to say. That’s an important task, and if you want to prepare yourself to speak intelligently about your faith, I encourage you to sign up for the Uncommon Pursuit Academy.
But every strength has a shadow side. Have we forgotten how to listen - to understand and connect?
How often do we bring our own agendas into relationships rather than listening to discern what God’s agenda might look like?
Listening is so simple we often look down on it.
But at the same time, it’s so difficult to do that we often don’t even try.
Who can you listen to today?
And what helps you listen to others?