The church I grew up in and the church I am in now both teach we should hate the sin, but love the sinner. Jesus befriended sinners we was on Earth, so should we. We must be kind to the person to whom we’re trying to evangelize, but love them enough to tell them the truth
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Hi @pamela7,
That’s a saying I’ve heard many times! I think it contains a great deal of wisdom.
Here are some reflections on how I’ve seen this work out in practice…
We over-focus on the truth
Whenever I lack awareness that I am not actually seeking the best interests of another person, but am attempting to control them, dominate them, or have power over them, then sometimes even the good of ‘sharing the truth’ can become harmful.
- Truth can become hurtful
If I share the truth without regard for how I am serving the other person, I can use a true statement to hurt them.
- Truth can become judgmental
If my posture is that I own the truth, and the other person is “poor” in regards to the truth, then I may judge the other person by telling them the truth in a way where I am judging them for their lack.
- Truth can become callous
If my focus is on telling the truth, my heart can become cold and hard towards the image bearer in front of me.
We over-focus on love
Even though loving God and our neighbors ARE the two great commandments, when love becomes sentimental or merely acceptance, we can miss the mark.
- Love can become amorphous
Instead of inviting someone into transformation, we let someone stay in a bad situation. Our ‘love’ is a form of complicity because we fear confrontation.
- Love can become false
Simply by not telling the truth, we fail to love the other person. Instead of describing reality out of care for someone, we avoid our duty to communicate helpful truths to our friends.
- Love can become comfortable
When what I want is to be comfortable, then I keep a pretend peace with someone instead of caring about them enough to have difficult conversations.
How can we be loving and truthful?
I think the best practice is to keep reading the gospels. Jesus shows us how to love and how to tell the truth - the perfect blend of wisdom, maturity, service, and care.
I wonder if we need a phrase that challenges us to be like Jesus. It’s not as memorable, but “Love so well that you earn the right to tell the truth.”
In other words, if our loving posture hasn’t built genuine relationships, led us to dependence on God, and changed the core motivations for why we are communicating truth, then we are at risk of hating not just the sin but the sinner, too.
Sometimes arguments have changed my mind. But more often, I’ve wanted to make a change because I was inspired to see someone else live life with such love, kindness, and goodness that I wanted to be like them.
Amen Brother 
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