Hi @Alison,
Your post is uncomfortably convicting! Thank you though.
It reminds me of this passage in The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis (for those who haven’t read it, this is the ‘advice’ of a senior demon to a junior demon):
I see only one thing to do at the moment. Your patient has become humble; have you drawn his attention to the fact? All virtues are less formidable to us once the man is aware that he has them, but this is specially true of humility. Catch him at the moment when he is really poor in spirit and smuggle into his mind the gratifying reflection, “By jove! I’m being humble,” and almost immediately pride— pride at his own humility—will appear. If he awakes to the danger and tries to smother this new form of pride, make him proud of his attempt—and so on, through as many stages as you please. But don’t try this too long, for fear you awake his sense of humour and proportion, in which case he will merely laugh at you and go to bed.
In the opposite direction, if we are too worried about our misdirections in a sincere pursuit of Christ, and getting caught up in a ‘morbid introspection’, then perhaps it’s best to laugh at the absurdity of it all, go to sleep, and start the next day adoring Christ again.